


The Bad Influence of Soap Opera

by Lateforclass



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Asgardians conspire to marry them, Asgardians watch GoT during Loki's rule, Cunning Loki, Friends to Lovers, Game of Thrones References, M/M, Marriage of Convenience, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), clueless thor, loki is a little shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:48:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28402722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lateforclass/pseuds/Lateforclass
Summary: Thor narrowed his eyes then, ‘Someone tried to poison your drink?’‘Of course, why do you sound surprised? A misunderstanding of relationship taboos of Midgard is not the only thing people picked up from watching Game of Thrones you know!’‘Why didn’t you tell me? Who was it?’‘See, you are missing the point again. A traditional Asgardian wedding ensures that we can’t kill each other. People will finally rest easy knowing that I cannot one day decide to clobber you to your death and take the throne.’
Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 90





	The Bad Influence of Soap Opera

‘I’m here’

In the end, Thor couldn’t restrain himself, he walked forward and enveloped Loki in a one armed hug anyways.

Loki was stiff in his embrace for a whole minute and Thor internally sighed, of course Loki wasn’t going to reciprocate, he was never one for sentimentality or physical displays of affection. Thor was just about to pull himself away when Loki returned the embrace. They lost count of how long they remained like that, sharing in their grief over all their collective losses.

Eventually, Thor extricated himself from the embrace. He smiled and asked ‘So, where are you going now?’

‘Eager to get rid of me already brother? And here I thought you were actually happy to see me for a minute’ Loki’s tone was biting.

‘I am happy to see you and I am truly grateful for what you did for Asgard. I just assumed you wouldn’t want to put up with me for any time more than strictly necessary.’

Loki gave him a piercing stare as Thor tried not to fidget, he dare not hope Loki would actually stay with him. ‘How could I miss the sight of you stumbling over ruling the Asgardian people?’

Thor laughed, trying desperately to not show how relieved and happy he was to know Loki had decided to stay with him.

It turned out that being the King of a ship full of Asgardian refugees was daunting work that made Thor feel utterly exhausted at the end of each day. Their Sakarian ship was outfitted with very few things in the way of usefulness. There was more liquor and confectionary than any real food, though the Asgardian children loved the excess supply of garishly colored candy in all strange varieties under the sun and Valkyrie was having a good time chugging down most of the alcohol on the ship, they hardly had real food to last them for even a month with rationing. Fuel was limited too, Valkyrie explained that the Grandmaster rarely ever left Sakar as prolonged periods of travel to places outside of Sakar would inevitably result in him aging exponentially. The only good thing about the ship was that the cabins were fitted with the most luxurious furniture and décor imaginable, however, they were only around a hundred personal cabins and most of them had to be shared by two or three Asgardian families. Loki had fashioned a large dormitory for the children who bedded down together, the remaining people had to be accommodated wherever there was space on the ship, come night time the bridge, the dining hall, the Grandmaster’s personal pleasure hall, his gaming room, his three chambers that Valkyrie informed him were previously elaborate harem’s were all occupied to the brim with sleeping Asgardian refugees. Loki had made bedding and quilts with his magic for them to be able to have a modicum of comfort while sleeping on the floor. Hulk had an entire section of the ship all to himself and Val mostly stayed with him to keep an eye on him and prevent him from causing any damage to their ship.

Thor had not been successful in bringing Banner back yet, and each day that passed he felt himself feeling a crushing sense of guilt over whether he had killed Bruce by dragging him forcibly to Asgard.

‘Hulk bored’

Thor looked up at the green beast and suggested ‘Well, maybe you should let Banner take over for a little while you know.’

Hulk huffed, ‘Thor like Banner, Thor hate Hulk.’

‘No! No! How could I hate you? You fought that thrice damned wolf Fenrir for my people! I could never hate you.’ Thor insisted, shaking his head to indicate how preposterous the idea of him hating Hulk was. Hulk seemed mollified by it and Thor added ‘I like both you and Banner. Both of you are my friends.’

‘Banner not here’ Hulk touched his head as he said it and Thor sucked in a sharp breath as he felt his fears grow.

‘My King, we can see that your affections for the trickster blinds you to his conniving nature.’ It was Lord Ansgar who made the statement and unfortunately this was not one of the newly minted young nobles who had suddenly ascended to unexpected responsibility as their family’s leader in the wake of Ragnarok for Thor to disregard them, Lord Ansgar was ancient, him and a few other Lords from the time of Odin had survived Ragnarok and they were all respected members of his King’s council now. However, Thor had lost count of the number of times his council members had brought up this same topic only for him to reassure them, dissemble, deviate or dodge their concerns.

‘Loki has been nothing but helpful to the people. Surely, you must see it, you wouldn’t be here to talk treason behind his back if he hadn’t come.’

‘Treason?’ Lady Eda exclaimed loudly, ‘He exiled the All-father to an undignified and inferior realm to suffer alone in his last days of life because he didn’t want to face his sentence for the unforgivable crimes he committed on Midgard. It was his actions that brought about the release of Hela and the destruction of Asgard. My King, you must see reason, our concerns are not unfounded.’

Thor couldn’t dismiss them, it always came back to this, how were they all supposed to trust someone whose very nature was to be untrustworthy?

‘Even now, he could be plotting your demise, have you ever considered that Your Majesty? He could use your trust and turn around and stick a knife in your neck when you’re not looking.’

‘I’d like to think we’ve evolved past that Lady Eda. I am not dismissing your concerns about Loki being….Loki. However, he is my brother and he did save us all on Asgard when he didn’t have to. I cannot cast him out, he’s all the family I have left.’

The council members looked at each other, an unsaid understanding passing between each of them, Lady Eda turned to Heimdall.

Heimdall turned to Thor, ‘We have a solution to ensure Loki doesn’t harm you in order to take the throne while at the same time being free to remain at your side.’

‘Great!’ Thor exclaimed, at this point he was willing to do whatever they asked of him as long as he didn’t have to exile Loki, if only to save his ears from bleeding by listening to the same complaint over and over again ‘Why didn’t you start with the solution instead of the problem?’

Heimdall’s stare was unwavering but his voice when he spoke exhibited the slightest tinge of hesitation, ‘Because we believe you would be averse to implementing the solution.’

Thor frowned, he dearly hoped they didn’t ask him to imprison Loki again, he knew that if he even considered such an action his brother would be lost to him forever.

‘Well, whatever it is, spit it out’ Thor said losing patience by the minute, if this is what Loki had been doing in Odin’s place on Asgard for the past four years, then Thor certainly didn’t envy him. The members of his Royal Council looked at him disapprovingly for his choice of words.

‘We believe you should marry him.’

Thor blinked and then laughed, he couldn’t help himself, he roared with laughter as tears of mirth gathered in his eyes and he wiped them off trying but failing to stop guffawing. He clutched his stomach as it started to hurt with the force of his laughter and looked up, ‘If this is your attempt to humor me because I’ve been so gruff with you for the past two weeks, then it worked. Frankly, I was sorely in need of a good laugh, you have my thanks.’

Thor observed that no one was sharing in his mirth though, Heimdall shook his head minutely and Thor realized that there were ten solemn faces staring back at him, none whose countenance appeared to be humorous.

‘No…’ He whispered and then loudly, ‘No. It’s not possible, you’ve all become insane.’

Lady Eda sighed loudly and interrupted, ‘Your majesty, I know it sounds preposterous but it really isn’t. It’s quite logical.’

‘Logical? Marrying my brother to keep him from scheming against me is logical? He’s my brother, my brother.’

Thor looked up at the one person who he still believed had some sanity left in him, ‘Heimdall, what is this madness?’

‘My King, you should know my opinions on this matter aligns with that of the Royal Council.’

‘What?’

‘Your majesty, if you would please hear us out. Firstly, you are not really brothers by blood so your relationship wouldn’t be truly incestuous. Secondly, we have come to know through certain new arts that Prince Loki introduced during the course of his rule that marrying siblings is considered a very acceptable practice on Midgard. As we are planning to settle on Midgard, you wouldn’t be violating any Midgardian customs by marrying Prince Loki. Thirdly, an Asgardian wedding is always presided over by a mage who makes sure that neither man nor wife could lethally harm each other after they are wedded, also being your wife and the Queen removes any claim Prince Loki could have on the throne of Asgard as Queens can only step in as regents during an absence of the King or the heir apparent.’

Thor could not believe they had all planned this enough for them to provide points of clarification. They expected him to marry his brother. They expected him to marry Loki.

Thor stood up, he glared down at them all before saying in a voice that brokered no argument, ‘As King of Asgard, I command you all to seize this madness at once. You will bury this idea as deep as the cavernous depths of Hellheim and see to it that it never sees the light of day.’

Val laughed and laughed, Hulk had an enormous and disturbing grin on his face in response of Val’s laughter while Korg managed to contain his mirth to the occasional chuckles.

‘Yes, yes, laugh at my misery why don’t you?’ Thor grumbled.

‘Oh please, I can’t believe you didn’t at least have an inkling of what people thought about you two’

Thor looked confused, ‘What do you mean by that?’

Val looked like he was dumber than two short planks, ‘You only refer to his name every third sentence, you argue with each other like you’re already old married Gods, you can’t manage to keep your hands to yourself whenever he’s around you’

‘That’s because he’s my brother. We’ve always been at each other’s throats like all siblings are! That doesn’t mean I like Loki like that.’

Val didn’t look convinced, Thor turned to Korg and Korg shrugged, ‘Honestly, I thought your hammer was a euphemism for your relationship with your brother and that you didn’t state it openly because you were afraid of being judged.’

‘What?’

‘Incidentally, you never once complained about your hammer once you had your brother back. So…’

‘Thor love Puny God’ Hulk stated.

‘No, Thor does not love Puny God Hulk.’

‘Does too’

‘Does not’

‘Smash Thor and Puny God together’

For the next week, Thor avidly tried to avoid running into his brother, if Loki was entertaining the children he made sure to busy himself with taking inventory of their food stock, if Loki was in the dining hall Thor made sure to eat his meals solitarily in his cabin, if Loki was training with Val he avoided fighting all together and busied himself with star charting with Heimdall in search of food and supplies. It didn’t take Loki long to confront him about his obvious cold shouldering.

Thor found Loki casually sitting on his bed as he came back from nearly three hours of meeting with the Royal Council where they tentatively brought up the topic of their ingenious solution and shoved a book titled ‘Game of Thrones’ in his hand. They’d explained that it was the most popular book and art form in Midgard at present and stated that marriage among siblings was a common theme throughout the book, he’d been asked to pay close attention to the family history of someone called Targaryen who were supposed to be mythical dragon riders who married their siblings to keep the bloodline pure.

Thor dropped the book on the floor on seeing Loki, ‘Loki, what are you doing here?’

Loki himself was lounging against the head board of Thor’s bed, a thick tome of what looked like a book on blood magic in his hands. When they were both young, they’d often sneak into the others room when one couldn’t sleep at night, Loki when he was bored stiff and out of mischief to make and Thor when he was in need of a cuddling partner, often as a result of being unable to meet Odin’s unreasonably high standards for a prince of Asgard. Now with the knowledge of what his Royal Council expected him to do, seeing Loki so casually draped on his bed took on an entire new meaning.

‘Brother, you’ve been avoiding me’ Loki said, for once without any prevarication or manipulation.

‘I have not, I’ve just been busy. The ship doesn’t run itself you know, we’re going to run out of food soon, we don’t have enough fuel to make it all the way back to Midgard, the people are squabbling over the roster for cabin occupancy..’

Loki slapped his book shut and looked at Thor witheringly, ‘Brother, you’re not a good liar. So please spare me the pain of having to watch your pathetic attempt at obfuscation.’

‘I’m not lying, I do have a lot of work. You should know, you’ve been King for the past four years.’

Loki got up and slowly walked forward until he was standing right in front of Thor, he folded his hands and said ‘If you want me to leave, all you have to do is say it. Have the decency to tell me to my face brother instead of blatantly trying to hide away in your little squalor.’ Loki held an expression of disdain on his face. Thor’s cabin was not exactly what one would call tidy, he could see that a couple of spiders had made a home for themselves on the walls and there were empty candy covers and clothes strewn across his floor.

Thor sighed and ran his hands through his cropped off hair, ‘The Royal Council expects me to marry you.’

It was not often that Thor got to see the God of Mischief taken by surprise, Loki had always seemed ten steps ahead of anyone at any given time, if he was not feeling so wretched and afraid of Loki leaving him again due to his own silly actions, Thor would enjoy seeing his brother being caught unawares.

‘What in the world prompted them to come up with that idea?’

Thor sat down on his bed and started to explain what had transpired to Loki. At the end, he threw the book that had been given to him by Lady Eda straight at Loki’s head.

Loki managed to catch it however as Thor said ‘It’s you who has been putting these strange ideas and art forms out for them to latch onto! I know for a fact that Midgardians firmly look down upon incest.’

‘Technically, it wouldn’t be incest’ Loki said and Thor grunted, Loki looked calm and unbothered by this entire revelation and Thor wished he could learn to be as unflappable.

‘It’s your fault anyways for introducing them to all this art and frippery. I thought you hate Midgard and all its lowly attributes.’

Loki shrugged, ‘When I went to Midgard to rule them I had to learn something about their culture, one can’t rule what one doesn’t know about and this Game of Thrones was what was in fashion for eighty percent of the Midgardian population at the time. A singular piece of literature that seemed to bring them all together. I’ll admit that it’s not a terribly boring story.’

Coming from Loki, that was a compliment. Thor knew his brother was very selective about the kind of literature he enjoyed and had no trouble throwing, burning or critiquing anything that didn’t pique his interest.

‘In hindsight, no wonder Midgard was so obsessed with this deliciously perverse play, they probably lived through it vicariously to forget about their own boring and insignificant lives.’

Thor was frowning at the end of Loki’s explanation, ‘Well the same boring and insignificant Midgardians’ literature is the reason for our current predicament Loki.’

‘Well, I don’t see what all the fuss is about. We should marry.’

Thor gaped openly now, he couldn’t believe Loki had just said what he did.

Loki huffed and rolled his eyes at the same time, ‘Look, I’m not exactly happy about it either but their reasoning is sound. Besides, their love for you would make most of them less likely to poison my drink or cause an accident. While I’m certainly capable enough to thwart such attempts on my life, I’d prefer it if I didn’t have to put up with such nuisance.’

Thor narrowed his eyes then, ‘Someone tried to poison your drink?’

‘Of course, why do you sound surprised? A misunderstanding of relationship taboos of Midgard is not the only thing people picked up from watching Game of Thrones you know!’

‘Why didn’t you tell me? Who was it?’

‘See, you are missing the point again. A traditional Asgardian wedding ensures that we can’t kill each other. People will finally rest easy knowing that I cannot one day decide to clobber you to your death and take the throne.’

‘Loki, listen to yourself. We’re talking about marriage, you’re my brother. My brother. Mother and Father would come down from Valhalla to smite us if they saw us going through with this!’

‘Oh brother, after everything Odin has done to us both, do you really believe he had no ulterior motive in taking me from Jotunheim? I’m pretty sure he had exactly something like this in mind, he even confessed to me that he brought me to Asgard to broker peace between Jotunheim and Asgard.’

‘No, he wouldn’t have raised us as he did. I know the All-father was not all we thought him to be Loki but even you cannot make me believe he was that twisted.’

‘Fine, deny the people’s wishes then. Believe me when I say, they’d take matters into their own hands if you don’t do anything about this.’

‘I believe we can handle whatever they try to do.’

Their dining hall is made up of twenty or so tables that have been pushed together in one long line, the communal arrangement was Thor’s idea as he felt the people needed to band together at least once a day to have a sense of continuity and companionship. It was way too easy to succumb to grief, their losses were enormous and he had to do all he could to keep them together until they reached Midgard.

However, the fare that they had for dinner was pitiful at best. The adults had made do with what little they had in favor of sparing the more nourishing food stuffs for the children and the rationing was taking a toll on most of them now.

‘Heimdall, if Hrost does not agree to trade with us, then how long is it going to take to find a world that would?’

‘There are no inhabited planets that I can see for another three thousand parsecs my King, it would take us at least another month to come upon a world that can furnish us with what we need.’

Thor grunted, this was not good news, they had barely enough food for the next week, let alone another month.

‘We believe Prince Loki should negotiate with Hrost for food supplies Your Majesty’ Lord Fafner says from where he’s sitting two seats after Heimdall.

Thor frowned, he hadn’t planned on taking Loki with him to Hrost for their negotiations, Loki had been in a mood ever since Thor had revealed that the council expected them to marry. He now spent most of his time with Val and Hulk than even Thor did. Apparently, he’d made some sort of tentative peace with Hulk after fashioning a basketball court for Hulk to play in. Hulk was getting bored stiff with their long travel in a contained metal tin and was vying for something to smash, it was just as well that he now found something to entertain himself with.

‘I hardly think his presence is required Lord Fafner, Hrost is a planet we’ve come to almost a century ago and Loki did not make a good impression.’ A local Jarl had called Loki a weak and conniving trickster who lacked the courage to face him in open battle without his magic and Loki had been all too happy to turn the Jarl into a lizard and left him in the marshlands to get stomped over. Of course, the Jarl turned out to be someone very important and once Odin knew what had transpired, Thor and Loki had been tasked with searching the entire Amazonian extent of the marshland for a way ward lizard with the promise that if they didn’t find it or if the lizard had accidentally died they’d both be banished to Muspelheim to serve as demons in Surtur’s army.

‘Even so, Prince Loki is much better with words than any of our council members your majesty. If there’s anyone who can spin the yarn around those savage beasts it’s him. He’s much like the Littlefinger in that regard, he always finds a way to achieve his ends.’

‘The Littlefinger?’ Thor asked perplexed, it wasn’t lost on him that everyone thought he would be poor at negotiating with an alien species.

‘He’s a character from Game of Thrones bro, he’s the catalyst for the wars in Westeros to begin’ Korg said from where he sat on Thor’s right.

‘You are reading Midgardian literature now?’

‘Of course, there’s nothing much to do on this ship and a revolutionary must always learn about uprisings and what leads successful revolutionists to topple tyrants. I’ve realized now that pamphlets are probably used as toilet paper by people.’

‘Anyways, you should take your bro with you on this one. Loki could be an excellent revolutionist, he taught me all about the importance of oration, propaganda and mob psyche…’

‘Alright, alright’ Thor interrupted having heard enough of Loki’s ample abilities for manipulation couched in sickeningly sweet charm, this way if the negotiations went south nobody would blame him.

‘We shall give you the grain, meat and salt you require Prince Loki, if you are willing to pay recompense, transform yourself into a lizard for one day and live in the marshlands.’

Thor snorted, Hulk and Val laughed out loud, Korg snickered with his hands coming to cover his mouth.

‘Oh, I am so glad I brought you with me brother. Go on, I’ll take you the marshlands safely without you getting squished by Jarl Konmer’s son.’

Loki’s glare could have burned Thor where he stood, ‘I am a God, and I’m not going to debase myself in front of these witless monsters.’ Loki kept his voice low but his ire was all too clear in his eyes.

‘Loki, come on. Think of our people, this is nothing compared to what they may have asked for as a price for the supplies, we have nothing to pay with.’

Loki smirked, ‘Speak for yourself, I do.’ With a flourish of his hands an entire pile of gold coins and precious gemstones appeared on the floor in front of where Loki was standing.

‘Jarl Ungmer, I implore you to accept these as payment for your goods. Let this be the last surviving Asgardian Gods’ blessing and gift to you and your people. Take this and let it be known that Loki, the God of Mischief valued Hrost enough to favor your realm with such splendor.’

Thor hissed at Loki, ‘Brother, this is not the time to play the all-important God card.’

Loki looked at him from the corner of his eye as though Thor were mad for even suggesting it, ‘Brother, it is always a great time to play the God card. If you bothered to take notes from me, the next time you end up on an alien junkyard you might be spared the indignity of being captured and enslaved.’

Thor directed his gaze back at the Hrost people, or what could best be called beasts. Their faces looked like Midgardian rhinoceros, only they had bulging hands and legs making them bipedal, they each had a large wooden club in their hands. All in all, the Hrostians did not look like people who bedecked themselves in pointless jewelry and hoarded gold for the sake of exhibiting it in the flashiest way possible. For all that he was Odin’s true born son, Loki was the one who thought like the All-father. 

‘Prince Loki, what need do we have for finery? Hrost is a place where a man earns his coin through honest labor under the twin suns. Asgard has ever been a dear ally and we would have given you what you need freely had you not given insult to my father when you were here last.’

‘We will accept Jarl Ungmer, my brother will do as you ask in return for your help.’ Loki sputtered in indignation and Thor grabbed his arm and pulled him forcibly to a distance so they could have their spat in relative seclusion.

‘Come on Loki, just create one of your ridiculous illusions or enchantments and stay out of sight for a while.’

Loki’s glare could have burned him to ash where he stood, ‘You’re a brainless oaf Thor! Illusions are a different form of magic than shape shifting.’

Thor pouted, ‘Well, are you really going to let our people starve for who knows how long before we find the next backwater rock that can feed us?’

Loki looked like he was going to retaliate with a biting argument but then he paused as Thor looked at him with the expression of a kicked puppy, Loki rolled his eyes and declared ‘I want songs sung about my sacrifice today! Epic poems composed by Asgard’s finest bards! And a public recitation where you will sing my ballad in front of all of them to let them know that it was I who saved the day once again.’

‘Done!’ Thor gave a thumbs-up while trying and failing to hide a smirk.

‘And wipe that silly grin off your face Thor, otherwise I’ll turn you into a frog again and make sure you drown in a bog on this pathetic rock.’

News spread quickly aboard the Statesman of Loki’s _sacrifice_ and even the noble Lords who were weary of Loki before had softened a little towards him. So much so that in the next council meeting, Lord Ansgar asked him to invite Loki to participate along with them. In hindsight, Thor should have known they’d have an ulterior motive for inviting Loki.


End file.
